You know what hurts? Paying $40 for someone to watch my kid–who would have been fine if I’d left her home alone except ZOMG the zombie apocalypse and no child can ever be left alone at home until they’re 18 and not even then, and if anyone found out I’d be reported for child neglect–so I could do some pro bono work.

Remember when?

My best friend from third-fifth grade was a latch-key kid. She would take care of herself, and her younger brother, and make their snacks and so forth (USING THE STOVE–OMG), and no one would have dreamed of it being wrong. I used to go home with her sometimes. The world? It didn’t end. Amazing.

Screen Shot 2016-05-09 at 5.43.35 PMAlso in the pain category: spending $6.99 on a new Warriors mega-book (the series that competes with Dragonlance for insipid and WILL NEVER DIE status) for said child to read on her Kindle, because I figured she’d be bored at the child care center that is geared toward younger kids…only to find she wasn’t allowed to read on her Kindle by one of the child care providers and instead was forced to practice writing her name (I was okay with that part) and to color a giant letter “R.”

I compounded those great financial decisions (perhaps because of them) by taking her to get a pedicure (the pro bono work went well, I didn’t get a parking ticket even though I barely had enough change in my wallet to feed an old-school meter for an hour and a half, and I was waaaay overdue for a pedicure).

At home, when I was checking the delivery status of the Amazon Pantry order, their nifty little algorithm found this gem of a book for me.

Sigh. Was ever a book more tailor-made for me?

Alas, I didn’t get it. A girl has to have some self-control.